Funny Golf Quotes - Laugh your way to the clubhouse! | Fenix Golf UK

If you consider yourself a golf enthusiast and believe you know everything there is to know about the game, you are mistaken. Even I have to admit that I know very little about this game, despite the fact that I have always enjoyed it. Funny comments and quotes can be heard on the golf course and of course, in the clubhouse after the round.


"It's up there, but I know it shouldn't be," my playing partner said, and that is one of my favorite quotes. To be clear, he was referring to his golf ball, not something else!


Another favorite quote from a pro I once played with in a pro-am is "I don't know why people say that golf is not a pleasure to play. You need to put in so much effort, time and money, what else can you expect."


Here are 18 quotes, one for each hole to get you through your next round – enjoy and let us know your favourite in the comments section below!


  1. “I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone’s game: it’s called an eraser.” — Arnold Palmer, the King of golf and comedy apparently.
  2. “It took me 17 years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. It took one afternoon on the golf course.” — Hank Aaron, owner of 755 home runs and one amazing golf quote.
  3. “They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken.” — Raymond Floyd
  4. “I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators.” — Gerald R. Ford, the 38th President of the United States and the first to admit a lack of talent on the links.
  5. “Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you’re not good at them.” — Roy ‘Tin Cup’ McAvoy, the greatest that never was.
  6. “If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt.” — Dean Martin, need we say more?
  7. “The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest golf cart never has to play the bad lie.” — Mickey Mantle, owner of one of the sweetest swings in baseball, not so much in golf.
  8. “Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five.” — Paul Harvey calling every golfer out.
  9. “It’s good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.” — Mark Twain, the famous wordsmith who also said golf is a good walk spoiled.
  10. “Golf?! You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing left and the ball goes right. The lowest score wins. And, on top of that, the winner buys the drinks.” — Not sure who said it, but whoever did understands the game, at times, doesn’t make much sense.
  11. “the only thing a golfer needs is more daylight” – Ben Hogan
  12. “If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.” — Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course.
  13. “The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can’t improve your lie.” — George Deukmejian waxing prophetic.
  14. “I’m the best. I just haven’t played yet.” — Muhammed Ali, I mean, who else could say something like this?
  15. “Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do.” — Bruce Crampton making us think more than we’d like to.
  16. “A hole in one is amazing when you think of the different universes this white mass of molecules has to pass through on its way to the hole.” — We’ll have whatever Mac O’Grady is smoking.
  17. “You don’t know what pressure is until you play for five bucks with only two bucks in your pocket.” — Lee Trevino at his best.
  18. “If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron, not even God can hit a 1-iron.” — again, Lee Trevino, who would know a thing or two about lightning strikes considering he was stuck by it on the course.
  19. “The most important shot in golf is the next one.” — Ben Hogan making a joke, we think, it was hard to tell with him.


From many famous golf players quotes, it is clear that this game is not about winning but simply having fun, one of the popular wiseguys said, "Do not take yourself too seriously, you have to have a sense of humor" - George Steinbrenner.


It makes no difference whether you play golf for leisure or to win huge tournaments; one thing is certain: if you want to be a top golfer, you must learn the game by heart and put in a lot of practice time to perfect the skills of a top golfer. The best golfers not only know the game, but they also know how to control their emotions while playing. They know when they are truly pleased, when they are truly sad, when they are weak and when they are strong, and they use all of this information to play every stroke precisely. So, to summarize, you must create your own ways to laugh while on the course, and remember, have fun!


Have any funny quotes you or your mates have said during your round? Let us know in the comments section below, we'd love to hear from you!

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